if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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