Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
