Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
