dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
thus making me awesome and them whores
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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