i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We are all done wearing pants today
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
