I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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