She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
