Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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