remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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