I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
