i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
and you fell through a lawn chair
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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