Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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