Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
