woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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