Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
