i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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