It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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