finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
