And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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