at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
