the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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