I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
