Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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