So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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