Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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