the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
