well I can't set my house on fire every night
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
