laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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