After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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