he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
