all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
