Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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