i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
