totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my shit smells like andre
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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