Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
