So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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