hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
