there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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