ugly people sure do ruin things
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.