I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.