I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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