Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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