***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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