this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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