she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
