Rock
Scissors
Fuck
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
