you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
NoShamevember. You game?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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