party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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