i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
