i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
