i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
