Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
