Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
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