KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Randomize
