It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
