she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
