there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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