I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
