I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
farters have to be the big spoon...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
