everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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