I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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