Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
