Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
